You met in an infertility yoga class and have been tight ever since: pouring over fertility books and websites together, sharing the latest tips on how to increase your chances of getting pregnant, always rooting each other on through negative tests and emotional breakdowns. But then it happens, your test comes back positive and she’s still trying. And the question is, how can you be happy without being insensitive?

Even though one of you is pregnant and the other is not (yet!), you can still stay bonded as friends. After all, you've made it this far together. But to be a good friend is to understand that this pregnancy is going to put strain on the friendship. Think about how hard it was for you when you saw even a pregnant stranger on the street and now think about how difficult it will be for your friend to look at your expanding belly on a regular basis (even though she is happy for you). For you to understand her feelings -- whatever they are -- is the most important thing she'll need from you.

Understand her resentment and jealousy

Give her time to adjust and eventually she will come around to the best of her ability.

Michelle L. Whitlock is an author who chronicled her journey through cervical cancer and infertility in her book How I Lost My Uterus and Found My Voice. She admits she had to deal with many negative feelings when her sister got pregnant. "I was devastated. I had to fight the emotions of resentment and jealousy in order to stay connected to her. I just couldn't get over how easily she had gotten pregnant, not just once but twice. All the while, I was struggling to figure out how I could make my own dream of motherhood a reality."

Give her an out

Lori Green LeRoy, infertility blogger and author of The Inadequate Conception -- From Barry White to Blastocytes: What your mom didn't tell you about getting pregnant says she's seen countless friends, cousins and even her own sister get pregnant when she has not. She stresses the importance of understanding that there are things surrounding your pregnancy that your friend might not be able to handle emotionally.

"Right before one of my girlfriend's baby shower invitations were going in the mail, she called to tell me that they were on their way, but she told me she completely understood if I didn't want to come. That meant more to me than she'll probably ever know for being so considerate, and it actually made me want to celebrate with her at her shower even more."

Ask how she's doing

You should acknowledge the white elephant in the room and talk about the fact that your friend isn't pregnant. Not constantly, but enough to make her understand that you care. LeRoy urges, "Do ask how your friend is doing. Don't tiptoe around the fact that you're pregnant, but be proactive in making sure your friend's feelings are being considered."

Don't stick your belly in her face

You might not think you will do this, but LeRoy who has struggled with infertility for years, has seen it all. "You'd be surprised how quickly becoming pregnant makes people forget that they recently couldn't conceive."

There is no one right way to handle this

As no two pregnancies are exactly the same, no two friendships are identical either. So how you handle this situation will be based on your unique friendship. Lori Freson, a marriage and family therapist who also struggled with infertility says, "Like most relationships, true friendships are based on open, honest communication."

"The pregnant friend could simply say: 'I'm not really sure how to be a good friend to you right now. I want to be able to share my joy with you, but I'm afraid it will make you feel bad. What would be the best way for us to handle this?' Then listen carefully to her answer."

You can still be happy for you

Just because your friend is struggling, doesn't mean you can't be happy about your pregnancy. Give her time to adjust and eventually she will come around to the best of her ability. In the meantime, you can -- and should -- celebrate this miracle. And pray that she is able to experience it too.

Read more about trying to conceive

Would you consider using a surrogate?
Before you choose in vitro fertilization
What to do when the test is negative

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